I wonder if other people see me the way I think they do.
Always on the cusp.
Not as important as someone else.
The other friend.
The other sister.
The one with no real friends. Just lots of other lives she wishes hers was like.
The follower. The poser. Who has absolutely no fucking clue what she wants.
Just an empty shell.
A shiny veneer.
The 23-year-old who refuses to grow up.
The short, chubby girl with yellow teeth and neck hair.
I hope some people don't think of me this way. But it's the way I perceive that they do. And it tears me up inside. Knowing I'm being judged by so many people. Or people aren't my friend because I try to be their friend too hard. I'm too eager to make them happy and I get treated like a door mat. But, it's their loss. If they can't see what a truly good person I am, too bad for them.
Because there are many parts of me that I love.
The fact I can make up jokes and puns on the spot.
My geeky tendencies.
My smile, even though it's crooked and yellow.
Making Rosslyn laugh uncontrollably.
The fact that I have a husband who would do anything for this family.
And lots more.
And I know that my thoughts trump what I think others think of me. And I am happy.