I wonder if other people see me the way I think they do.
Always on the cusp.
Not as important as someone else.
The other friend.
The other sister.
The wife.
The mother.
The tag-along.
The one with no real friends. Just lots of other lives she wishes hers was like.
The follower. The poser. Who has absolutely no fucking clue what she wants.
Just an empty shell.
A shiny veneer.
The 23-year-old who refuses to grow up.
The short, chubby girl with yellow teeth and neck hair.
I hope some people don't think of me this way. But it's the way I perceive that they do. And it tears me up inside. Knowing I'm being judged by so many people. Or people aren't my friend because I try to be their friend too hard. I'm too eager to make them happy and I get treated like a door mat. But, it's their loss. If they can't see what a truly good person I am, too bad for them.
Because there are many parts of me that I love.
The fact I can make up jokes and puns on the spot.
My geeky tendencies.
My laugh.
My smile, even though it's crooked and yellow.
My moles.
Making Rosslyn laugh uncontrollably.
The fact that I have a husband who would do anything for this family.
And lots more.
And I know that my thoughts trump what I think others think of me. And I am happy.
2 love notes:
Sometimes, I feel the EXACT same way. But I like me, and my kids love me and David loves me and that's all that really matters.
First of all, I think you and your family are beautiful!! Second, I also have thoughts like these about myself..... And I don't have any friends either.... No one really to "hang out" with except for my kids and boyfriend. When I was married we had money (well lived comfortably anyway) and I would try to spend money on people of buy them things to make them like me. I didn't realize that they should just like me for who I am, and I shouldn't try to impress them or bribe them for their companionship....
I think you are probably a great person (even though I don't know you, but I read your posts!) and people really do like you!
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