Thursday, February 12, 2009

Mommy Venting

*I do not mean for this post to offend anyone or make anyone mad. I just have some things I want to get off my chest*

I don't know how to start this out. I'm just really upset I guess. Maybe not even upset, envious is a more correct term.

I love Rosslyn to death, wouldn't trade her for a trillion dollars. But at the same time, I'm envious of those moms who can just leave their baby with who ever and go out and have a good time. Case in point, my sister left her daughter after she was 3 weeks old to go back to work and you bet your ass she was out at the club that weekend. And Kira (her daughter) has been passed back and forth between my mom and Jacob's (babby daddy) parents. Why doesn't he take care of Kira? Because he's in jail for calling in a bomb threat at the high school. Well not directly because of that but because he failed a drug test that they give you when you see your parole officer.

Anyways, I would love to have people that I could leave Rosslyn with so I could go out to the movies, or better yet, get a job. I hardly left her when I was back home in Kentucky because I didn't want to be a burden to Jordan's mom, even though she wouldn't care a bit.

It just pains me to see new moms go out and party every weekend and not even think about their kids. Well, I'm sure they think about them but I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm stunned to see people like my sister still act like they're in high school and go out to parties and things like that when they don't have their priorities straight and don't pay their car payment for 5 months and get it repo-ed and have your little sister get in a wreck and break her nose coming back from getting the crap out of your car that was reposessed. True story.

I guess I'm just jealous because I wish I could leave my kid with other people. But I'm with her all the time and when I'm not around, she's always looking for me and starts crying if she can't find me. I guess she's a real titty baby, literally.

I don't know what to do. I'm getting on WIC soon so I can put her on formula so I can leave her with someone so I can get a job. But I don't think she'll like it the first couple days. I don't want to completely quit breastfeeding her, I would still like to at nights when she wakes up in the middle of the night and right before she goes to bed. If my boob will allow it. Yes boob....right after she was born, my left boob got cracked and bled and hurt me too bad to feed on that side so now, only my right boob has milk and I look super funky. Like this oO haha. I can't wait for it to shrink back donw and I can look normal again.

4 love notes:

ashley ann said...

Awww I can understand what you are trying to say. It's hard being a mommy all the time. Obviously it's something you are all the time, but it's good to have me time. First start off simple. Ask/ or tell Jordan that you would like to work. Start off maybe just Friday nights or Sat/Sun. That way you know she is safe and sound. It's his responsibility as her father to help you and her. It's not good to stay coped up in your house all the time being mom/wife/maid..etc. She is always welcome here, you could come hang out and see how she likes us :) Hang in there though. Every couple needs a date night too. Keep the marriage fun and alive!!! After 5yrs my husband and I would need still need that if he was here. If you need anything let me know, I am here!!

Shea said...

Thanks!! I have your cell phone number I believe. The one I have is a 910 number unless you changed it. And some of the girls from the board are wanting to get together for lunch next week if you're interested.

Jackelyn said...

Shea, I feel your pain.
I have always worked and made my own money until I got pregnant with Noah.
As much as I LOVE bing home with my kids, I need "me" time as well (like Ashley said)
My boys are terrible about being left with other people. Even little 9 month old Benjamin knows when his Mommy leaves and cries forever until I get back.
It's frustrating. It's hard. It's overwhelming. And I'd love to say that it gets easier.

But being so far from home with no help, no one you know, it's just tough.

I think that once you get her on formula, you should try bringing her to a sitter. Maybe you have a neighbor that you trust or something. Just try it out and see how it goes. Maybe once she gets used to it, start looking for a job.. it'll give you "you" time and will probably releave alot of stress.

Here I am giving you the same advice that I need, too! I actually told Aaron tonight that Im going to start applying for a job. He can watch the boys from 5pm til whenever and I'll have some sanity!

Good luck girl! And by no means are you a bad mommy. I think everyone just needs a little break once in a while.

rameelin said...

Shea, I teach a class at the Y four nights a week for one hour each. I get a nice break but not too long of one either. I miss the kids when I'm gone but it's awesome to know that Daniel is home with them when I am.
I understand how you feel although I see that you're a great mom and so it's all normal. It's awesome that you have nursed her this long! It's such a big commitment and she is so blessed that you have stuck it out for her! Thinking of you...